10/31/2021 I'm on the fourth rewrite of #IAmNYMP. I'm so excited that progress is happening as I set a schedule to get this work done. Putting the work in. Working nine to five and supporting other projects while building connection and support. #supportisnecessary #ad4e #dropthedisorder.. It is the soul work to get to know ourselves.
5/11/2021 Looking back, editing and sharing the journey in a short documentary! I sat with my friend Luther A. Blackwell, Jr., for an early morning documenting session in January 2009. I share about fifteen minutes of it, plus some narration from the point of view where I am now. It is very possible to move from fear to love, shame to presence etc... It is the soul work to get to know ourselves.
4/5/2021 - Creating a short documentary for I Am Not Your Mental Patient: from Shame to Presence
4/4/2021 - Practicing Presents
Finding some time to take a walk on Easter Sunday 4/4/2021. Enjoying the fresh air and stillness in the present moment.
My life's journey has lead me to pen this book I Am Not Your Mental Patient: A Glimpse at What FORGIVENESS Can Do. Looking to publishing it soon!
5/15/2020 - Moving beyond the story and needing to get back into the story, to write it, turns out to be quite the challenging task!
10/16/2020 -I am on the third rewrite or more. I finished reading the second edit and noticed that I avoided some tough stuff. I felt I needed to talk about the hard stuff. I then stepped away for a while.
I look forward to getting back to editing, getting another pair of eyes, and getting on with it!
Support is one of the most important things that I’ve found to having confidence. One man is not an island. Sometimes people could feel alone in this world. I have found checking myself, my thoughts, to see what is happening within helps to notice the messages of disconnection learned. Looking back could cause such pain because I can't go back and change anything. Looking forward could cause such fear because I can't control what is not happening now. Staying in the present moment could also be hard when basic human needs are not met, and it becomes hard to figure out a way through difficult circumstances. However, I have come to find there is always away through, perhaps it is not the answer that I want but accepting the present moment and not fighting it helps me to have gratitude. Having support to know that I am not alone helps to let go some fears and experience the possibilities to move forward with hope and confidence
The NARPA conference 2019 offered a space where people in many different roles came together to share the work that they are doing for transformation in all systems of oppression for human rights and dignity for all.
learn more at www.narpa.org.
Looking within. Learning about myself. What hindered me from staying in the present moment? Answering the tough questions. Facing and moving through the pain.
I am excited about creating this project and look forward to sharing it. It is my latest update on writing I Am Not Your Mental Patient. I am taking the opportunity to look back at some of the footage I have been documenting over the last fourteen years. Editing and sharing the journey in a short documentary!
Shame is like a veil that blocks you from the present moment to feel the joy from within to walk confidently on this Earth. Forgiveness is the key to removing the veil and taking back your dignity and confidence. Forgiving is what works for me after decades of talking about the suffering I endured because of getting violated sexually, physically, and emotionally by my parents.
After using this behavior of dropping out for many years, my recent experience buying a car during the choosing to shut down period, I found myself getting taken advantage of. I had to quickly wake up to speak up to ask for and get what I needed. I never labeled or looked at this behavior negatively. It is just what I did. I enjoyed my time with Netflix and Prime Videos, watching movies on weekends and at the end of a workday. I mainly chose action flicks and nothing mushy that would make me sad it worked for as long as it did, but now it no longer works, so it's time to let it go. When I say to myself, it is what it is. I'm not calling car dealership people evil. People are just doing what they are doing with this perspective of non. Judgment, I get to learn about myself. What lessons did the situation come to teach me? This way, I could choose to move forward, or I could repeat the behavior. Still no judgment.
For many years now, while working to live, I found slowing down and disengaging the best way to take care of myself from October to the end of December. I was holding on to the pain of abandonment and unforgiveness. I left Jamaica in the dead of winter as a child and held on to the pain of experiencing my first Christmas in America without any Christmas presents. Learning my mom's story then forgiving set me free from the pain. I was able to stop clinging to the old story that I was telling myself and gain the perspective of a mother that did her best under the circumstances that she was living.
Gossiping to me comes more from shame and fear that caused me not to speak up which is part of internalizing the oppression.
Looking back, editing and sharing the journey in a short documentary! I sat with my friend Luther A. Blackwell, Jr., for an early morning documenting session in January 2009. I share about fifteen minutes of it, plus some narration from the point of view where I am now. It is very possible to move from fear to love, shame to presence etc... It is the soul work to get to know ourselves.
OLD MESSAGE I WAS CLINGING ON TO - When I was in my twenties a neighborhood shopkeeper who owned a Mercedes Benz said to me, "you could never own one of these.” soulwork, confidence IAmNYMP, AwarenessIsNecessary, KnowYourself, PayAttention, lessonslearned, This2ShallPass